On Texting Less

When I was in university, I would text everyone I knew about 1000 times per day. I had a Blackberry and thus, BBM’ed everyone so I never really had an accurate number of texts per day but I am certain it would have been an absolutely stupid number.

Now, years later, I can go most of the day without texting anybody at all. I still text people more often that I call them for a variety of reasons. (I can do it at work, my message doesn’t require immediate attention, they live in another city and long distance calls are CRAZY expensive etc.) Still though, I spend much less time on my phone than I ever did.

I’ve learned to value the time I spend face to face with people. Whereas before I would see the same people every day for several hours per day, now that simply isn’t the case. It didn’t seem to matter that I would text around these people, because they would still be there 6 hours from now. And we’d probably text when we were apart. Now it is different. I rarely get to spend time with some of my closest friends thanks to conflicting schedules and busy lives and when we finally get to see each other, there is nowhere else I would rather be. The messages from others will be there later, but I might not see this person for weeks, or even months, so why would I waste the precious time we have by talking to someone else?

Sometimes when I am with someone I see a lot, I slip into the habit of texting or checking Facebook/ Twitter during quiet breaks. I don’t do it out of boredom or to ignore the person I am with, just out of habit. It is just habitual for me to fill my time with something, and often my cell phone becomes the go-to thing. Afterwards, I feel like a jerk because it is exceptionally rude because I know that I don’t like to be on the other side of it when we’re talking.

So now, I am beginning to feel a little bit less attached to my phone. I am still plagued with anxiety if I leave home without my phone for the day, or even if I am too far away from it for an extended period of time, which is probably as unhealthy as it is common. Slowly though, I am weening off my social crutch and learning how to talk to people face to face again.

Granting Happiness

This week at work I got to be a part of so many truly amazing things. This time I am not talking about selfish awesome things, like hanging out backstage with rock stars, or getting free swag. These awesome things were about giving, and truthfully, those are much better.

I work in radio, and we almost always have giveaways and contests going on. Usually the prizes are things like concert tickets, CD’s and movies, and other fun but otherwise small prizes. As opposed to a stand alone company, I have the benefit of working at a company that owns 4 stations in the same city/ surrounding area so there are always things happening.

This week we had 3 exceptional prizes to give away. The first was mostly sentimental in value. It is called the Golden Smile Award, and it is given away monthly to someone in the listening area who is largely unrecognized, but who impacts a tremendous amount of lives for the better. This month it went to Robert Hajjar, a man born with Down’s Syndrome who works giving motivational speeches across North America about seeing the ability in disability. He works to end discrimination and to open people’s minds about people with an intellectual disabilities and their capabilities.

Next, we had a an all-expenses paid trip to Disney World. This is a pretty extravagant trip; one that many families could only dream about taking. Sometimes it is hard to remember, (especially for those who are unencumbered by children,) that the cost of ANY outing increases exponentially when you go from 1 or 2 people, up to a full family of 5, so a trip like this is out of the question for many. The family that won this trip could not have been any more perfect. When we went to their home to tell them they had won, they children answered the door carrying their own Micky or Minnie Mouse toys, and the parents were crying with pure, unfiltered joy. One doesn’t often get to see this kind of happiness but it is really special when you do.

The last prize we gave away was just purely unique and unforgettable. Imagine playing your favourite instrument, with your favourite band, on stage during soundcheck before they do a show in your hometown? And then on top of that, you get to hangout with them for a while and walk away with some signed gear? In conjunction with Billy Talent, we made that happen for someone and I have never in my life seen a teenage boy so happy about anything ever. That is something that really can’t be replicated and is definitely a story he’ll be telling for the rest of his life.

Sometimes, my job is all about fun, games, and good music but sometimes, when we all get together and work on something, we get to change people’s lives forever. When that happens, that is when I really, really love my job.

Bacterial Takedown

Being sick sucks.

I know, that isn’t exactly a “stop the presses” declaration, but I relearned that lesson this weekend. I developed a pretty wicked lung infection, seemingly out of nowhere. Wednesday night I went to bed feeling great, hyped on the next couple days I had planned, and woke up in the middle of the night gasping for air.

This is happening millions of times inside my body.

Thursday was running to the doctor whimpering about my ouchies, picking up my inexplicably expensive prescription, and burrito-ing myself in blankets to combat the extreme arctic chills. Friday was a shift and was the day of the fever and naps. Walking from the couch to the kitchen for more water was so exhausting, I had to take a 2 hour nap to recuperate. Then I would wake up because I was so hot that I thought my house must be on fire. It seemed the only explanation for my absurdly high temperatures. Going from being a girl who is rarely warm let alone hot, being THAT hot was freakish and horrible. Thankfully, by the third day the medicine had begun to kick in and I was starting to feel better. Sunday was my first day of sweet glorious freedom and thankfully it was an absolutely beautiful day. Today was my first day back to work, although I could only troop it out for about 4 hours of the day.

Normally, I am someone who isn’t sedentary for long periods of time. I like to be doing things, or at least be with other people. Getting sick like that was like slamming on the brakes of life, and damn was it a hard adjustment. Boyfriend has gone through a much more extreme version of this twice, with his knee injury and subsequent surgery. At the time I thought that I had done a good job of understanding the difficulty of the situation and how life altering it was for him, and being supportive of the magnitude of the shift. This brief stint with illness reminded me that no matter how compassionate you are, you never quite understand how much it SUCKS to be stuck incapable of doing the things that you had done as recently as yesterday unless you’re the one in that situation.

Its both hilarious and tragic that something as tiny as a bacterial cell, Trojan-horse‘d its way into my body and it will take my whole body plus outside ammunition at least 10 days to eradicate it. Oddly enough, a few days before the infection hit, Boyfriend and I went to a lecture about supermassive black holes in the galaxy and were talking about how in comparison to the galaxy we are so so tiny. Almost ominously, he said that rather than making him feel tiny and insignificant, the enormity of the galaxy made him appreciate how important the little things can be, and how much of an effect they have on the larger scale. A supermassive black hole is a tiny fraction of the size of a galaxy, but it has such a strong effect on it that it can dictate and even prevent the growth of its host galaxy. Though it is a small percentage of the size of the whole, it definitely makes its presence known. So, in the same way, a tiny cell, much small than its host, directed my whole existence, if only for a few days. Funny how life acts and reacts in the same ways, on a small or enormous scale.

Appreciating Life

Maybe I have been influenced by seeing some sunshine or the recent Valentine’s Day wave of love, but lately I have been super happy. Not just in spurts, or when something interesting happens, but all around, full-out, smile like you’re crazy, happy. I’ve taken notice of the things that I often ignore, like how beautiful it is downtown in this city, how much I love just a little bit of sunshine (even if it is still a chilly -17 degrees Celsius,) how my job is pretty awesome most of the time, and just how great the people in my life are. I’ve been able to appreciate the little things and see just how much value they add to my life day to day.

This weekend I finally went for brunch with an old friend from high school. With our schedules so misaligned, we planned about a month in advance, (along with another friend who ended up backing out,) to finally get together. While I don’t see her very often, and probably haven’t seen her in a good 6 months, there was not once an awkward pause in conversation. We talked freely for over 2 hours, just catching up on life, love, careers, and all the things important in our lives. We remain in similar positions in our lives, since we are both early in our respective careers, in relationships, paying down our preposterous student loans, and we both have exceptionally shitty cars that we can’t seem to part with. It might be a little weird, but it is nice to see your own struggles mirrored in another person and to know that you’re not alone. It was a sunny Sunday morning and it was absolutely perfect. It is funny how the company of a good friend can brighten up your life. I am hoping that I can check a few more friends off the list of visits that are long overdue.

Boyfriend and I also spent some time with my Nana this weekend. She absolutely adores him and gets so excited when he visits. This weekend she was telling him some stories of her life, (like how she once catered for Johnny Cash,) and decided to show him pictures of her family growing up. Both of them sitting together at the kitchen table happily chatting away was such a small thing, but to see two of my favourite people in the world getting along so well brought me so much joy.

And then there was Geek Day. A day full of video games, nerdy movies, and eating junk food. Boyfriend and I decided that we would have a day to let out our inner geekiness and so we started with what is probably the perfect game created for us. Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe. We spent far too much time learning the special moves and smashing things, but it was a total blast. Then, while the controllers charged up, we decided to take in a movie. Naturally, we settled on some Tomb Raider. And then after a brief sustenance break (aka donuts) we took on Portal 2. It was basically a perfect day.

Now with a short work week, I still have a lot to look forward to; a basketball game, a hockey game, and another great weekend planned. I feel incredibly blessed to have all of these little things in my life that add up to so much joy. It is easy to get distracted by stress, and to get caught up in the dramas and hassles of life, and to forget about the little things. It is interesting however, that sometimes it is those little things that turn out to be the things that bring you the greatest joys; so, try not to forget about them.

 

Valentine’s Day Haters

Fun Fact: This Valentine’s Day card predates Hallmark’s existence.

So many people hate on Valentine’s Day. “I don’t need a Hallmark day to show my love,” they shout, “You should show your love EVERY day, not on a prescribed day. Its just a stupid made up fake holiday for idiots.” … Great. Thanks for your input but I have had just about enough of the anti-rants for the rest of my existence.

No, you’re right, you don’t NEED a day designated to show affection, but guess what? It is sweet. Nobody is telling you that you need to go overboard and spend $14,000 on an extravagant dinner and gifts. You can cook dinner together, you can hand make a card or a painting, or whatever you want to do as long as you are together. There is no rule that says you should overspend on indulgence.

Valentine’s Day is about love and affection in the same way Thanksgiving is about being grateful and appreciative, and the way that Christmas is about faith and family. You don’t NEED a day to be thankful or a day to spend with your family but you do these things anyway. It is just a nice reminder to bring these things to the forefront of your life for the day. To remember to do something special for those you love, or to remember the wonderful things in your life. Valentine’s is a day to spend with your significant other, (or the person/ people that you love most,) remembering why you love each other and enjoying each other’s company. “But every day should be that way,” the anti-Valentine’s people proclaim! Maybe so, but life can get in the way; commitments to other friends and family, work distractions, hobbies and other obligations can all distract from your time together and affections, especially if your relationship is out of the early honeymoon phase. Yes, you should love each other every day but that is often easier said than done. So how can you hate having a day set aside and dedicated to that sentiment?

I am not the world’s largest fan of Valentine’s Day who demands it be full of pink, glitter, flowers and expensive baubles, and I have never hated it with the vehemence that many people feel. To me, it is a sweet reminder to spend time with your beloved and revel in the pure enjoyment of each other’s company and to show each other that no matter what happens day to day, you love them.

And hey, sometimes, you get treated like royalty and have beautiful things delivered to your door. (Which is never a bad thing.)

To hate on a day that is meant to show someone in your life that you care is preposterous. Even if you don’t have a romantic love interest, it is a day to show SOMEONE in your life that they are special to you. Your best friend, your mom, or even just to remember how awesome you are and to treat yourself to some well deserved extra love. Yes, the day is severely commercialized, but so are MOST holidays, and so too is the anti-Valentine’s movement. That doesn’t take away from the sentiment of the day. Whether you spent $4,999 or $4.99, the day is meant to be a sweet reminder that you have an abundance of love, (romantic or otherwise,) in your life, both to give and to receive if you are open to accept it. There’s lots of it out there, and it will find you once you earn it by giving yours away.  So stop hating, and start loving.

Related articles

• Leave Cupid Alone, You Snobs (slate.com)
• I’m Single and I Don’t Hate Valentine’s Day… Anymore. (tarapook.com)

Busy Girl Problems

For a long time, I’ve known that I was sort of busy.

I have a lot of things to do and always seem to be rushing from one place to the next in order to get everything done. Busy as I was though, I didn’t feel much busier than anyone else; I just figured I had poor time management skills, (which, in all honesty, is actually pretty true.) Recently however, it hit me that I am actually Super Busy.

I discovered this after speaking to a close friend of mine. We used to hang out once a week, sometimes more often, but we haven’t seen each other in a while. I was trying to think of when it was that we last got together and he said it was “at least November.” Keep in mind that it is almost February, and you can imagine the pangs of guilt that were coursing through my body. “It’s okay,” he said, “you’ve just been too busy. Let me know when you have some time though, I miss you. We have a lot to catch up on.” Cut to me flipping through my day planned trying desperately to find time to fit him into my schedule while working around his. It hasn’t happened yet.

The next instance of Busy Girl Syndrome came when chatting with my best friend. She had to drive her parents to Pearson Airport, and wanted some company on the ride home. My schedule was open at that time, so I agreed. We were just chatting away, enjoying each other’s company when it hit us. Our time to relax and hangout, was occurring on the 400 Series Highways. Not at some chic cafe, not getting our nails done, but driving 120 kmph in a rainstorm. You know you’re busy when….

Weird as it is though, sometimes I don’t feel like I do very much at all in a day. I usually am at work for 9:30am, since I don’t have to be in at 9 and the traffic is just so much better and there is no stupid train to wait behind if I wait the extra 30 minutes. Then I work until I have no more things to do, which can range from 1-6pm, and even later if I have a live show I am working at. Then sometimes I will go to my other job, which starts anywhere between 5 and 6:30pm and goes usually until 11pm or 12am. When I am able to, I try to fit in time to go to the gym which all told, (getting to/from, working out, post workout showering etc.) can take about 2 hours. Then there are the weeks that I play hockey, which is about a 2 hour commitment as well, (though it isn’t as common right now as it used to be.)

On top of that are the other things I like to do for leisure and down time. Things like reading the newspaper, magazines, or digital sources that I like and watching my TV shows, (which I am unbelievably behind on.) While it may for most people, seem like a luxury to be able to relax and read or watch mindless TV, for me it is almost as necessary as sleeping. As an introverted person, alone time is very important. It allows me to recharge and actually enjoy the interactions I have with people, rather than treat each one as a personal attack on my own being. Me-time is essential. Then there is the whole writing thing. I would like to be doing more of it, and for a greater variety of sources than just my blog, but that in itself is a huge commitment of time. You need to read up on their articles and their style, their content, and even their comments from readers. You need to become very familiar with their brand in order to position yourself as a good fit. And that is all before you even get to write for them.

And lastly, but definitely not the least, is the personal commitments to people. I take care of my Nana, who at 93 sometimes acts like a stubborn 4 year old (and walks with about the same level of motor acuity and stability.) Then there is time with other family members, most notably with my Mom for “girl time” and “help me clean out the basement because I can’t find something really insignificant but that for some unknown reason I need to have RIGHT NOW” time. Then of course there is time with Boyfriend, which truth be told, never feels like enough. Maybe that is the sappy girly me talking, but I always think that I could shuffle things around more to make more time for him. Or at least do something when I do get to see him, rather than almost always wanting to just stay in and watch TV, movies, or play video games. Then, when he is busy and I’m not working and have spare time, I fit in friends here and there.

Writing all that out made me seem like I do a lot, but even still when I look at an average day, I feel pretty unaccomplished by the time I go to bed. I always think that I could have fit more into my day, or at least done something more measurable or quantifiable. So … I guess that is why I have become a Busy Girl. I try to do too much in too little time, and with not enough time management skills to make it happen.

I am working on making better use of my time though. One step is to stop wasting so much time in the car by taking better routes and making sure I have everything I need for the day with me, instead of  thinking, “meh, I think I have it. If not I’ll just drive back and get it.” I’ve also set timers for how long basic things like doing my hair and makeup in the morning should take. The buzzer goes off and that’s it – either I finish before then or I walk out the door looking the way I do. (The exception being if I have one eye done with makeup, I will give myself one minute of bonus time to balance my face out.) I also try to limit the amount of time I spend on Facebook or Twitter or even Instagram, and put that time to better and more productive use.

Got any other tips? I’d love to hear them in the comments.

 

The Best Dates

Recently, Boyfriend and I were talking (and texting) about our favourite dates that we have been on together. It is funny, in looking at all the ones we liked best of all, they were actually pretty low-key times where we just got to hangout together. Since the winter is dragging people down, what with the saddest day of the year having just passed, I thought I would share some and why I liked them so much.

When we first started dating, we would often get coffee and sit on a bench and just talk about things around us, our day, our past, and sometimes we would make up our own little stories and characters. They were fun because it was just pure enjoyment of each other’s company while enjoying some sunshine and coffee. When we didn’t feel like sitting, we played catch, or would go for walks on city streets and through the parks and inevitably wind up on a bench somewhere.

One day in the fall, I took him to my old university campus and showed him around my usual haunts. We walked through some of the buildings, checked out some of my favourite hidden places and reading nooks, and I got to tell some stories from the 4 years that I spent there. He took a couple pictures that day that still remind me of how much fun it was to share those places and stories with him.

The Canada Cup baseball tournament was held at our beautiful city baseball stadium, and we went to check out a game together one cool and rainy evening. While I’ve forgotten most of the game, including who was playing, I remember sitting huddled together, trying to take a picture of ourselves, laughing and enjoying our night. It was so casual and low key but such a great time.

One of my favourite times was a surprise expedition around Christmas. I had no idea where we were going or for what purpose, but he guided me to the top of City Hall to look down on the Christmas tree lights in the adjacent downtown park. I had never been there before and the view was incredible. Such a simple thing, that in total took 10 minutes, but was such a cool moment. And then he leaned over the railing and my crippling fear of heights kicked in, and I worried that he would slip on ice and plummet to his death. (Thankfully he did not and we laughed about it later.)

We also went to the fair this year, a place he had never been before and had a great time. We got to see tiny baby animals like little piglets (my favourite!) and to touch some animals like cows and horses. We climbed on a tractor and walked through the absolute worst indoor corn maze ever created, and ate all of the greasiest, deep fried foods and the most decadent chocolate until we were both actually a little bit sick. We walked around the exhibits but only went on one ride, the chair lift that took you from one side of the grounds to the other and had an amazing view. After that, we decided to head home and had some extra tickets that we couldn’t use, so he opted to give them to a family with small children which was the sweetest way to end the night.

He is a big fan of tattoos and for a period of time, we ended up talking about them a lot. So on a Sunday afternoon we decided to flip through some art books at a local tattoo shop. It was so cool to check out some of the fantastic art, and to share something that he has such an interest in. Letting him tell me about styles, and comparing our favourites was just such a unique experience that I loved. I think that that was the same day that we finally found table tennis balls and had an arcade style game day. (He won table tennis but I killed it at foosball.)

Even thought it technically doesn’t count as a date, spending his birthday with a bunch of his friends was so great. I got to meet some people who are important to him and then we all just talked for hours. I learned a few things that night like that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were called the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles in England because the term “ninja” was too violent. Totally worth the following hangover and greasy next-day breakfast.

And the most recent favourite would be the day we went to a new-ish frozen yogurt place because of a flyer at his apartment, where we were the only 2 in the entire place. We created some delicious combinations and got way too hopped up on sugar and hot chocolate. Sometimes being a grownup is over rated and you just have to go full on kid-in-a-candy-store mode.

Those were all some really fun times, and there have certainly been too many others to name. There have also been times that weren’t so great, but at the end of the day we make each other happy, and better people, and get to do some pretty cool things together. I’m looking forward to future dates like wine making, bicycling, skateboarding, and so much more.

What are the best dates you have been on? (I could always use some more ideas.) Do you have an awful date story, because I want to hear about that too so I know what NOT to do too.

Things I Wish I Knew Sooner

Sometimes, when I think back to Younger Sarah, I think, “Damn girl! You need to your life together already,” and wish that I could toss some information her way. Things like,

DON’T WASTE ALL YOUR OSAP MONEY YOU STUPID IDIOT! YOU HAVE TO PAY THAT BACK EVENTUALLY. I spent a lot of my OSAP money on, well, nothing? I wish I knew what I did with all of it. Yes, a lot of it went to tuition, and more still to books and a laptop. Some of it was used so that I could take time off work when I got really busy to focus on school. But then the rest went to buying a car, going out for dinner and on a lot of drinks. If only I had saved even 5% of it…. But then again, I would also tell myself,

DON’T GO TO SCHOOL FOR THE SAKE OF BEING IN SCHOOL YOU BUFFOON!! 
I postponed post-secondary by a year because I decided Engineering wasn’t for me after all. Could I have done it? Maybe, but I would have been completely miserable the entire time. By the time applications came around the following year, I still wasn’t certain what I wanted to do, but was told that University was the way to go. And so off to school I went, only to spend 4 years and over $25,000 (!!!) on a degree in Philosophy. Yes, I also did a Writing Certificate, and yes, I met some lovely people. But really, if I had waited another year, I would have saved more cash and probably done a program that was a little more practical and that I loved a little bit more. But hey, practicality isn’t always in the cards, sometimes you just have to,

BE STUPID. Do dumb things without worrying too much. Nothing crazy like shooting black tar heroin in a sketchy alley with 4 other addicts, but don’t be afraid to try things. Yes you should be careful and still worry about legitimate threats, but you shouldn’t be fearful of things just because they are new. You’re not going to be good at a lot of them, and you might end up looking kinda funny sometimes, but shit, you might also learn that you’re really incredibly good at it. So try stuff before you’re old and falling down hurts more than it used to.

GET INVOLVED AND WRITE MORE! This may only apply to me and/or other wannabe writers, but I wish that I had written more for the student papers. It would have been so easy just to do even one article a month, and I would have a sizable portfolio of published works. At Western University there were SEVERAL student run publications. If I had just decided to get more involved in groups, I could have started publishing works much much faster.

GO TO SLEEP. A lesson I still have not mastered, but now understand the importance of. A sleepy body can’t function and a sleepy brain makes bad decisions, (like “2am pizza is a really good idea.”) A full night of sleep makes a difference. So Night Hawks, let’s become Early Birds. Sleeping until noon feels like such a waste, and then you end up doing nothing for the rest of the day, but when you get up early the day feels so much more productive and accomplished. Looking back at all the times I stayed up way too late watching the 7th rerun of Seinfeld of the night I just want to yell at myself to get the hell to bed! (But then again, it is currently almost 1am and I am watching late night TV and blogging so I guess I really don’t have any right to judge Younger Sarah.)

So there are a few things I wish I had figured out sooner. There are many other things that I could add, and several things that I should know by now but don’t, but that is another post for another day.

New Years Resolutions

The end of the year has come and gone again, and with it comes a time of reflection. A time where we look back upon what things we have accomplished, what has changed, what hasn’t, and look back on the past 365 days of our lives.

This past year has undoubtedly been one of the best years for me. While there were many hardships, many sad moments and heart-wrenching losses, it has overall, been extremely positive. I feel like I have grown immensely as a person and have moved forward in many areas of my life. I finally found a job that I actually really enjoy doing, (90% of the time anyway) and have met some of the best people I’ve ever known. in addition, Boyfriend has come into my life and couldn’t be more thrilled. I can safely say that I am a happier and better person today than I was 365 days ago. I hope that I can say the same thing one year from today as well, and with that in mind, I have decided to make some resolutions.

Resolutions are easy to make, but can be very hard to keep. This is especially true if you are trying to kick bad habits, or to change your lifestyle. Every New Years, people decide to make resolutions on how to improve their lives. Usually it involves exercising more or losing weight, saving money and reducing debt, quitting smoking, and all kinds of other generic goals. The thing is, is that these resolutions require much more effort and planing than saying “I am going to work out more,” or “I am going to spend less money.”  Without steps and goals along the way, those are exceptionally daunting tasks, though very worthwhile.

This year I have chosen resolutions of a different type, focusing mainly on my mentality. I plan to appreciate things, big or small, more often. I also plan to be more vocal about my feelings again, good or bad, to be more positive in my mindset, and to learn to stress less. And as always, to write more often about things I am passionate about. Now, these aren’t easy tasks, but I have a few plans on how to make it happen.

At the most basic, there are still only 24 hours a day for me to achieve all the things I need and want to do, so writing more while being less stressed is going to be a challenge. But after recently stepping up in my career, I may soon have a more stable schedule, or at least one I get a little more control over which will hopefully make me less stressed. That could also allow me to set aside time for writing in the same way I do with time for the gym or for friends. So that could be two things off my list right away.

Boyfriend has already been an instrumental part in my appreciation for little things. He has helped me to recognize and appreciate little things in life that really are remarkable, and has given me new appreciation for the city we live in. I have lived here my whole life, and along the way have stopped seeing how beautiful it is. Looking through his point of view has helped me see things in a new way and has given me appreciation for new things and exposed ideas and points of view that I had never considered previously. By talking about things with a variety of people and really listening to what they have to say, I’ve learned to see things in a new light, even if my own opinion doesn’t change. I am confident I can continue to grow in this way, and to gain new appreciation for all kinds of things in the upcoming year.

That said, it is all too easy to focus on the negative things in life and to miss out on the amazing little things that happen in our lives. There are many things that are frustrating and tiresome in everyone’s life, but I can only imagine that there are also several wonderful things that are all too easily passed up as well. It helps to remember that good almost always follows hardship. The greater the challenge, the greater the reward. To be able to see the silver lining isn’t easy, but reflecting on things, especially from a variety of perspectives, can absolutely help bring positivity into one’s life. Looking at things with a positive outlook, even if they are hard, can help you see the benefit and drive you to work harder to achieve the eventual good from every situation.

Being more vocal is probably the hardest task, at least for me. In general, I tend to be more reserved and passive. I don’t have strong opinions on everything, so when I’m in a situation where I would be happy with a variety of outcomes I tend to err on the side of caution and keep quiet. When I do have strong feelings, sometimes I would rather think them over for a period of time before I express them. This is often because the way I feel in the heat of the moment is fueled by irrationality, and once I calm down or am able to think things through, I am better able to understand my own feelings properly. I always feel like I have the potential to be unnecessarily offensive or hurtful at the moment, but am realizing that saying nothing can be equally, if not more, hurtful. Worst case, I can vocalize that I need time before I can discuss things and best case, I get better at expressing myself and everybody wins.

So that is my plan for the new year. I don’t know what challenges and opportunities await, but by looking at them with a more positive mentality I hope that I can learn new things and grow as a person through it all.

Related articles

• The Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions – Will You Make One? (betterbodyjournal.com)
• Google Helps You Keep Your New-Year Resolutions With A New Interactive Resolution Map [Updates] (makeuseof.com)
• Love Yourself: Resolutions (loveyourclothesloveyourself.com)

Inspiration, Where Art Thou?

If you follow my blog, you may have noticed that I haven’t been writing very much at all lately. If you have noticed, I am sorry for disappearing without a trace. Many times, I have tired to write a post, and just as many times I have failed. I’ve opened a page, stared at the blank screen . . . and nothing comes to me. I have no tangible or workable ideas, and when I do come up with ideas, I can’t figure out how to write them out so that they’re worth reading.

Perhaps it is because I am tired or that I have very little free time to spend indulging myself in writing, but more realistically, I think it is that I find myself with a complete lack of inspiration. I find that I have grown tired of ranting; that this style of writing has become too easy and is no longer cathartic. I used to enjoy letting my feelings flow from my fingertips to the paper or screen, as a way to just throw out some frustrations on a given topic, or to ramble on about some silly idea or theory that has popped into my head. Now, instead of a release of tension, I find that it brings me to a darker place by forcing me to focus on the negativity around me.

Letting go of negativity has been something I have struggled with for most of my life. I find that all too often, I have let a stressful day, upsetting comment/ conversation, or embarrassing moment to take hold of my mentality for far too long, allowing them to ruin my future moments because of it. I don’t allow myself to fully enjoy the present experiences, because I am sometimes too focused on what has happened in the past, or what could possibly, (however unlikely,) happen in the future.

I’ve been working on enjoying the present time and the people I am with, and sometimes I am successful thanks to the people around me. When I get stressed, critiqued, or upset though, I find myself slipping into a pool of negativity, as opposed to looking for a constructive comment in the criticism or understanding that people act from their own experiences and not all negativity is a direct response to me or anything that I have done. I tend to take it personally, and only later can reflect on it in the appropriate manner.

Being negative has always had a profound effect on my ability to write. It is easy to write of sadness, and of heartache or unrequited love; these are topics of great feeling. Genuine anger is another powerful fire for writing when it is directed at someone or something. Writing from a sense of malaise or general ennui however, is difficult. There is no motivation, no inspiration and certainly no passion to the words you are trying to form. There is, for lack of a better term, no thing. It is a blank page, taunting you with its vacancy and your inability to fill it. The longer you stare, the worse you feel, and the more severe the problem becomes.

Maybe I’m just settling in for the winter, or maybe I need to move on to something newer. Something that excites me and that makes me want to write. Something that I can feel something for again. So… I am on the quest to find some passion. Wish me luck and maybe you’ll hear from me soon.